Sunday, April 1, 2007

Big Giant Voice

Big Giant Voice (hereinafter BGV) spoketh:

"COMNAVMAR is in Condition 3. High winds are expected in less than 48 hours. Remove all missile hazards from yards. Secure your personal property."

BGV is a loud speaker system that reaches all Navy housing across the entire island. The system itself is not that unusual, but the effect is seriously unsettling. There you are, working in your yard, thinking you are alone, when out of nowhere, this booming voice from the heavens begins to give you orders. I fear the operators of BGV may one day recognize the absolute power they have and begin to demand other things:
  • "Mow your lawn at least twice a month"
  • "Separate your trash from your recycables"
  • "Eat your vegetables. I'm watching you."

I also imagine what I would say if someone left the door to BGV unlocked:

  • "Bueller ... Bueller ... Bueller"
  • "And I say unto you, you shall mow the lawn and trim the hedges of your neighbor, especially that one bald guy who is a Navy lawyer"
  • Karaoke - "American Pie" - enough said